The Autistic Experience

You no longer rule my heart, and you no longer scare me. But the memories torment me and follow me as I try to escape back to a life that made sense. I often forget life can be a circle of insanity loops. This miserable yearning to be held and the need to be whole. Breaking in pieces scattered in my soul. as I bring all my parts together to remind them I will not leave them. They no longer believe me. I have often told them that I love them but I have broken them apart when trusting in love.

I love you, all my parts and I hold you with compassion. I ask forgiveness for what has happened and I promise to show you kindness. When you are abused I promise to protect you. I will fight for you and not against you. My parts that I have taken my whole life to find, I am sorry for not being able to show you the love you deserved. I am sorry for entrusting you to others. That child who cried with blisters from parental abuse and the detached man who cannot feel emotions as his body is violated, the little autistic child who prays for salvation, the lonely boy who finds meaning in friendship with toys, the bullied, the mocked, the lampooned, the brave, the fighter, the thriving soul, the ghost, the echo and the silence. I know you and I see you all.

I promise to show you compassion and treat you with love. You are my family and I rather be alone with you than who takes all of you away from me and makes me feel impaired and truly alone. Trust me once more as I hold you. You need not the arms of a stranger but the embrace of our soul.