Coddled in your warm embrace, painted visions of memories never made, and desires never shaped. Finding love is a conquest and finding meaning within your soul a battle. Often the other comes at the cost of consumption. Drenched in the sorrows and depth of one, we struggle to find balance. Life does not need to be finding self and replacing that with love felt and experienced from another. My voyage has craved a north star and while I have found the darkness peaceful, I have burned my soul to be the north sky. My embers have died out before I could find someone who could see my light and find their way to me.
Foolish I have always thought I need to burn my soul longer just to cling on to a hope of finding the one who becomes my eternal flame. I have ignited the night sky and in the darkness been the guiding star for many. Alas never have I found the one who could take me ashore. I have found bliss in the depth of the oceans and learned to accept my fate, but my nature craves the warmth of earth and to set feet on the shore. I claim silence as peace, and the blindness as a gift because it is perhaps better to stay still then be given the promise of a hope that will never ignite. I still crave the earth, as much as I respect the ocean. The depths are cold and the pressure breaks my bones. I have laid still on this voyage nauseated and grown used to the solitude, my body breaking with the currents, drowning, and making my way back to the surface just to have one more.
One look is all it takes and I’m stung by the emptiness of the sky, the betrayal of the stars, and the Earth that has abandoned me in these waters far away from her warmth, far from love and floating in a frenzy of drowning and learned helplessness.
Leave a Reply