The Autistic Experience

In the clouds the water bears a burden that they cannot carry and as they cry tears of heavy rain it bears down a weight on others.

We are often succumbed by challenges that are unexpected, and life has little certainty. One thing that stays with us is perhaps who bore the weight with us. We are born naked and alone just as we die. In this life the moments we share naked with others is what brings us close to the two realities of life, birth and death. We share parts of ourselves we hide from others. Our body, mind and soul, parts we are ashamed of and proud of.

I have been feeling the warmth grow inside me, I am inclined to let someone in again. It has been a year of my life of growth in the dawning moon and away from the burning sun. The narcissistic abuse has taken a toll on me and gaslit me to think I was not fit for a relationship for long enough. Now I know my boundaries and I am aware that not all pots can bloom flowers, and we need the right kind of soil to nurture a plant. It may grow in harsher conditions but will struggle to bloom and rot quicker.

Finding the right person when you are autistic is hard because we judge people with our emotions and forget that just because we feel positively about someone does not mean they are kind or right for us. We have to take steps to be mindful of our actions, each other’s dynamics and expectations from a relationship.