The Autistic Experience

With the nearing of the end of the year, the falling and the fear, the wish that starts anew and welcomes the innate truth.

I have felt the fear of losing time from a very long time and now the sands slip away I glimpse through the falling dust, and stare at the spectacles of life. Life is wonderful and benign. I have had malignancies in my life and whenever I have been near them I have felt tortured and chemically lobotomised. The love I have blinds me and sets me astray. I forget purpose and leave my desire. I’m surrounded by sorrow and fail my life.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be if the first love I had was not forced away from me and the long love I had was not forceful on me. But life brings what is needed and I find myself adjusting to my reality. I am happy as I walk this path, I am alone but never lonely. Life has changed my perspective. Growing up autistic and feeling detached from the human experience I always craved for someone who would understand me and someone who I could relate to, a person that I could call my own. And life gave me the chance to experience that. Alas it was taken away from me and it left me wounded craving for the return of my beloved. You could never come back! But with this forced closure I found myself actualizing my spirituality and remembering we are never alone. It showed me that love can come from many sources, I have my friends, and I have family. I am loved and all I needed was perspective.

Love comes in many forms and most of us spend our lifetimes craving for love of a partner. Our friends can be our life partners and family that surrounds us with love and God be the inner guide. The universe brings us love and we are never alone.