The Autistic Experience

You are still the one I search for when I yearn for a friend. I lost a partner in you. I wish choosing life was an easy decision that involved you. I had to be brave even when I wanted to scream your name. My eyes desperate for your face, my body yearning your touch as your presence lingered in my soul.

I have been remembering you a lot recently. I never had the time to mourn the loss we felt. I felt your presence in my heart last night, I welcomed you in my embrace. It was hard to say goodbye. It is a struggle to be apart. I wished the best for you and still I am happy to imagine that you are somewhere living your dream, happy and free. Thinking of you not making it makes me feel the loss and burden of the responsibility I felt all those years. I was never supposed to be your caretaker. But a lover cannot forget his part and cannot forsake his soul. I wish you only respected the love I gave but I became part of you and in your disdain of self you saw me as unclean and tore the fabric of my soul to smithereens.

You are still the one I want, still the one I yearn for and the one I wish I belonged to.