The Autistic Experience

Never let them take you down, in ashes I will always rise.

I find myself detached from love. I find myself put off with a man making his partner his shining star and worshipping them. I am forced to look inside and I see resentment towards love. I’ve always cherished people when they show love but I find myself wounded from love. Love that I have lent has been darkened and in this witch’s spell my pot spun, drained, contaminated and cursed. As I poured more compassion and love it was replaced with melancholy and betrayal.
My heart is a battlefield where I have waged many wars, I have found myself scarred, healed, risen up again and ended up broken. I am at still’s mate. There is nowhere to go, and no more to give. The result of every war is the same, loss and numbness. No one wins a war. As I tap into my learned helpnessness and let go, I’m at peace, stronger and content. I have stopped trying to win losing battles and I sit appreciating the mighty battlefield. I appreciate the joy life has brought me and I rest in the stillness of my heart.

You do not need to beat for another and when your heart beats for yourself, you know the rhythm. It’s the stillness you learn to rely on and grow comfortable with.