The Autistic Experience

In distaste of this world, I have lost the palate for love and affection.

I have been thinking of you. How the life we spent withered away with your lies. I transferred your loss onto another vessel of impurity. It smelt of the rot that your envy had spewed. In the filth of your hate when I found another impurity I tried to make it a flower. I forgot that the fruit of rot is rotten, and I found myself surrounded by a lifeless belt of narcissism.

I came across a snippet of our life. Times I do want to call out your name and rekindle the good times we had. Perhaps I would have been happier in my delusional bubble. My love directed and my compassion unparalleled. Alas I saw your reality, I saw how much you hated yourself and did not see the love I brought into your life. You never stopped trying to overcompensate for the self-loathing. You worshipped yourself and saw others as means to serve you. It would have been easier to be with you, but you chipped parts of me away. In 7 years of resilience, I never fell and bore your hate and love. I moulded life around you and found meaning in you.

I worship no man, I rest in myself peaceful, I am content, I am happy, and I don’t mourn any loss. I am free and I sore the skies but when I find myself near other’s emotions I am putt off. I value others pain and always will, but the tree of my empathy has fallen with the rots in my life, and I am emotionally disconnected. I feel their pain, but I am left with disdain for their love. I see the world for what it is, and I believe now what it has always been. I am content with no wants. I am free of pain, but I am now comfortably numb.