The Autistic Experience

How can I forget the love you gave, the warmth I felt in your embrace, the beauty of your soul and the gentle touch. You filled my life with positivity, deepened my connection to my soul and body, reminded me of the good things in life and reacquainted me with my values.

In a world that is often black, truths can be obscured, and beauty of love hidden by the fall out. I will never forget the times you held me in your embrace, how you learned from my body what I felt, you understood me before my mouth whispered. In my silence I have often kept quiet and only whispered. You heard my echoes in silence. For the one time you made me quiet you heard a thousand more. You showed me compassion, love, and protection. I cannot forget how you naturally were a lover and took care of me. You filled my life with joy, happiness and turned my narrative from someone who would have destroyed themselves in a pit of sorrow using substances to someone who is functional and intact with their values. You held my hand when I felt lonely. You cooked for me, brought me donuts from my favourite place, sang songs for me and invited me to gatherings even when you were not comfortable. You introduced me to your friends, family and loved ones. You made me feel known. And I was stupid for feeling unseen, but you loved me in your own way. You were proud of me and I regret doubting what I meant to you.

Today I am without you, broken and sad, apologetic for not knowing your love. I break because you even in my dysregulation made me have healthy habits. Even when isolated I never was, and had coping strategies. I wish and I pray for another chance because what you gave me was so much more and I am in pain thinking about the times you were there. I love you and my love will never die. You connected me with God and restored my faith in love. Our hearts beat as one and our souls touched. I know you as my world, my endless love.