The Autistic Experience

Upon wings of a dove,  
bring my seasons of love… 

From the melting glaciers 
to the high tide 
the wondrous sun 
and the porous hide 
Melts my heart 
raises my blood 
my breath, my beat 
brings me love……. 

The rustle that surrounds 
broken heaps and mounds  
shattered, barren all 
the time of fall 
My tears tear a glance 
my heart stops the dance 
lonely I await 
broken I abate……

The silenced land 
the harrowing cold 
to make a seize, 
Comes now the winter breeze, 
Leaving what was before 
melancholia, ado 
thoughts that I wrestle, 
in this empty vessel…… 

Changes that make life, 
pass all in time 
are there seasons four? 
or shall the winter prime?
The scent of morning love 
in this eden’s grove  
reminds me to hope 
the river, the honey, and the dew…… 

The elating summer warmth, 
Alas the autumn sting, 
the cold harsh winter,  
welcome the blossomy spring… 

As I come out of the winter I am reminded of the seasons of love. I enter spring but my body has not left the cold that has bruised my bones. I am left recovering from the frostbite and my blood is cold. I see a tree and I lay next to it. I drink from the lake nearby and as I rest my head on the grass, I look onto the tree besides me bearing fruit. The blossomy life that left me has come back but I linger and carry the darkness of the winter.

The fruit appears nearer, and I rush to grab it, with fears that the fruit will rot, now I know the fall passes all. I am afraid that this too shall rot. I carry the sting of autumn and recover from the wounds of the everlasting winter. I rush to taste the fruit, alas it tastes of the cold. I am reminded that I have not recovered, and my taste buds numb and sore. How can I appreciate the blossoming savanna or taste this forbidden fruit? I am plagued by my darkness, and I need to bask in the sun longer and longer more. I need to remind myself that my traumas have passed, and my body can enter peace. I need not worry about the autumn and winter. I still have a summer to go through and perhaps my spring shall enter an endless summer as my stars burn an eternal flame. I enter this vicious cycle afraid of the winter, but my name means a constellation of burning stars and I can ignite my own flame.