The Autistic Experience

“When you hold me and tell me I am beautiful.”

Denying ourselves we have grown in a society that has fueled our difference and made us feel impaired. Not born but rendered disabled, we have had very limited options in exploring what we can offer the world. The truth is the world needs artists, scientists, poets, innovators, and doctors that have dedicated their entire life to a purpose and are exceptionally brilliant at what they do.

Autism does not mean disability. It is a differently abled person who has perfect ability in what they are fascinated by. Growing up different from the society I internalized the difference and felt alien. I observed humanity from an outside lens and was fascinated by it. I loved exploring how other humans functioned and it intrigued me to know their behaviors, personality, and desires. When my fascination -due to my difference – became my obsession, I became social and what drove me to communicate and pathologically want to socialize was my desire to understand every human being. I often would grow envious of God, how everyone was known to Him, and I could not possibly understand everything. I would often wait at the traffic lights wondering how every person is connected to make sense in this moment and we have a picture made of pixels. All minute and small but significant details. We can’t make sense and overwhelm our perception but from God’s eye view, it is connected. As we wait, we make sense. Oh, to understand those small moments and to make sense of humanity! I have always tried to detach myself and observe from an external view, forgetting that I am part of the experience and an essentiality to the logic.

We often forget that we are part of this beautiful experience of humanity, and I often need to remind myself that my uniqueness is beautiful. I don’t need to see through the lens of another to appreciate myself. I am perfectly abled and my meaning very essential and unique. Without me the picture is incomplete and distorted.