The Autistic Experience

It is strange, in this world we look to others for help. We ask them for support, and we reach out to them, but they never respond. Sometimes we can ask the wrong people for help. Not knowing who to ask for help is perhaps one default we are born with. We may rely on each other but in the end, help comes from within and support through ourselves.

I can spend all my energy in trying to support my friends and my partners, my flames can be extinguished trying to light the world of others, but I never light my own life and hope for others to ignite my path. This logical fallacy rules me. Why do I not light my own way? Why must I falter in being good to myself? Why must I hesitate in loving myself? The world has taught us to hate ourselves and internalized the discrimination we faced. It has narrated our story and labelled us as the misfits not worthy of love. I struggle to look in the mirror and tell myself I am beautiful, and I get insecure about things that aren’t true. I see haloes around everyone, but horns sprout from my forehead. My character is a misfit and while I support and adore those around me, my purpose is only such and my fulfilment a dream.

I am a misfit, and I am an anomaly but without my anomalies there is no divergence in light. No rainbows in the sky and no diversity in the flowers of this world. The world filled with roses that carry thorns and not lotuses that stay afloat.